genderqueer fashionista

Shorts are so difficult! N was just grappling with this problem when she was prepping for Coachella last month. She ultimately gave up on finding shorts and cut some (women’s, Old Navy) khakis she liked into shorts.

I have had some success with H&M men’s shorts but I also have a small waist which definitely helps with men’s pants. I consistently have to roll up the legs so if you are not into that I wouldn’t suggest that as an option.

Generally it seems that only very short women’s shorts are sold in stores but you can often find Bermuda shorts online from chain stores (I’m thinking of Gap/Old Navy). Otherwise, cutting off and hemming pants is really the best option if length is the fit issue.

Hope this helps! xo

Add oxfords or loafers and a blazer! And if there is a way to incorporate a bowtie or scarf, definitely do that. I have a very similar dress that I’ve worn this way several times, only wish I had a photo!

Xo NC

Hi there!

I wrote about my coming out to my family way, way back here but I don’t think I have ever written about these questions, but I think they’re important to share.

I think my desire for and attraction to people who are not men started gradually but I was totally unaware of how real it was until I came to NYC on a trip (Soapbox Feminist Camp Winter 2010) and met my friend M. M is a genderqueer identified cutie with tattoos and piercings and is extremly smart. It is not surprising to me that N, who is my First Big Queer Love, looks a lot like M. I kind of have a type.

I met M during the program we did together and we became very fast friends over the week and we kept in touch. I had been really nervous about the trip but overall it was a very formative experience. During that part of my life I was in a long-term, long distance relationship with a [very sweet, incredibly intelligent] man, C. C is one of the best human beings I have ever known and my family fully expected us to get engaged/married, as did I.

After I came back to NYC, though, the path I thought I had lain out for myself really changed and I started to re-think things. Two months after NYC, I called things off with C. I had called myself queer before (I didn’t believe in heteronormative gender roles, I wasn’t sure about marriage, etc) but I started more openly identifying that way once C and I broke up. In that period of time I also decided to graduate early from college, took on a new role at work, and waded through the depths of a range of emotions in healing from being sexually assaulted two years before. A lot was happening in Spring 2010.

I didn’t really start identifying or toeing the waters of genderqueerness until Fall 2010. I finally got some oxfords, fished out some ties from the back of my closet, and invested in a couple gender neutral bras. I came to NYC again at the close of 2010/first days of 2011 and knew I’d be better off moving here. I moved in February 2011 and began to openly identify as genderqueer then.

I started this blog in November 2011 after getting a positive response from other queer folks on Tumblr from my personal blog (which I don’t find the time to post on anymore, sadly). I wrote the post about coming out to my family in January 2012. N and I started dating in late March/early April 2012 and we moved in together in February 2013. Things have moved pretty fast.

I would say if you are struggling, two things that are useful to keep in mind: 1. you don’t need to make a decision about who you are. and 2. don’t rule things out if you haven’t tried them.

Even when beginning to explore dating for the first time in a while, I said I was really only interested in dating cismen but that was mostly because it was familiar and I was scared about dating more queerly. I said I’d never date a femme, and though brief, I am grateful I got to know such a smart and gorgeous lady. Keep your mind and your options open. I firmly believe the only reason my date with N went so well is that I didn’t overthink how I’d present myself- I was just, well, myself and I didn’t have any expectations going into the date.

Thank you for the question! Hope this is at least interesting!

Hi there!

Here are a collection of thoughts about your question:

1. You’re ready to try something new, which can always feel a little silly and it’s understandable that it’s weird to go shop for things you’ve never worn. Take a buddy who also thinks dapper fashion is great (who will remind you how cute you look and such) and enjoy!

2. I think for some straight-identified folks, looking/acting queer (even if you don’t mean it as such) is still seen as negative or undesirable in some way. I think maybe thinking about separating in your mind gender/fashion choices and your identity (which is much easier said than done) would help you as well as disassociating looking gay/queer with some kind of problem. I think even if you lose a bit of your femme-ness for a waistcoat, people will still assume you are straight because that’s how the world works. I only wish we lived in a world where most people would assume you are queer, would save me so much hassle from dudes in public.

3. Fortunately for you, tomboy/androgynous fashion is positively everywhere for all women/womyn/FAAB/female folks so you are far from the only straight woman interested in gender-bending/queer fashion. Check out Tomboy Style for inspiration. The writer is straight and profiles a lot of straight women who are wearing super cute boyish/tomboy femme stuff.

xo NC